Finding Kirsten A Memoir

A Science-Fiction Memoir about a Mother's journey to finding herself, amidst a mental health crisis. She learns to love herself, despite her complex trauma and on going mental illness. Along the way she encounters unexpected spiritual experiences and a personal relationship with Jesus Christ; that leave her questioning everything she has ever believed.

Chapter One

Tuesday, December 15th, 2020

“Remember.” Spirit, whispered in my ear. “Remember, everything.” She whispered, again. I found myself, somewhere caught in between being asleep and being awake; fully able to hear her voice. “Remember, Kirsten. Remember.” She spoke a little louder this time. Her voice is soft and sweet, but a little raspy. It is deeper than I  would have imagined. It startles me, awake. 

4:44am, on the dot. I have been waking up at this exact time, for weeks now. I  could already hear the puppies stirring, ready to nurse on mama and ready to play. “God knew I needed this litter of puppies, for my birthday!” I  happily proclaim to myself. They were almost one month old, and already developing their own little personalities. Honestly, I did not mind getting up with them at this time in the morning, because it gave me some “me time,” before the day starts. Believe it or not, my kids are more work than 8, almost 5 week old, Labradoodle puppies. I looked forward to this time in the morning. Just the puppies and I. 

I roll out of bed, and head straight to the bathroom to relieve myself and load my morning bowl of marijuana; before I head out to the garage, to my ‘toke space.’ My favorite spot to enjoy some quiet time. Wake and bake; that is how I start each day. It allows me to settle and clear my mind, before attending to my children and their never ending list of needs. It helps me keep my cool; as I am quick to anger when under stress and pressure. Which is often with three children; two with special needs.I sprinkle a little keef, for a little extra kick. Today is my 33rd birthday, after all. And today was extra special, because my absolute best friend in the World is flying in to visit. Jennifer and I have been friends since High School. She is the only friend that has stuck by me, through all phases of my late teen and adult life. “God knew I needed this visit from Jennifer!” I think to myself, as I take a hit. The smoke is cool and refreshing, thanks to ice cold bong water. Just like I like it. After a few hits, I find myself feeling, what I like to call, “normal.” Marijuana slows down my brain, just enough, to allow me to complete an entire thought. “I wonder if people without mental illness feel normal, like I do, on weed,” I think to myself. The thought is fleeting, as are most. 

By the time I get to the puppies, they are more than ready to play. I cringe, as I get closer to the pin and smell 6 hours worth of puppy poop. No one talks about the amount of poop that comes out of these adorable fur balls. “Adorable, my ass,” I say out loud to myself, trying not to gag. If I did not love puppies so much, the poop would definitely keep me from ever breeding my dog, again. But just like with my own children, it is all a part of the job. So, I do it without complaint. I change their disgusting puppy pads, and refill their water. This morning though, they are particularly rambunctious. So, I grab my iPhone, throw on my favorite heavy, rose-pink fur robe, and grab an arm full of puppies to take outside. 

Even though it is legitimately freezing outside, we all bundle up on the porch under a heavy blanket. The cold always calms them down. And let’s face it; this was more for me than them. I love the puppy snuggles. I grab my favorite puppy, Rosie, named after her mama, Riley Rose. Rosie  just so happens to be the runt of the litter. I place her in my lap and stroke her curly black coat of hair. They say you should not play favorites, but it is hard not to when the others single her out. Extra love, never hurt anyone, anyhow. 

I pop in my AirPods, and turn on a podcast about aliens and UAP’s, or Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon formerly known as UFO’s. I have spent the better part of this entire year expanding my beliefs and mind. Questioning everything religion has ever taught me. Once Covid shut everything down, I found myself bored with television and homeschooling my children full time; so I turned to podcasts to broaden my horizons. My favorite past time was doing jigsaw puzzles on the kitchen table; while listening to my favorite Podcast; Theories of the Third Kind. I had recently discovered a whole new World that I was anxious to learn about. I was most excited to learn about the spiritual evolution humans are currently going through. Some refer to this as, “The Great Awakening.” A rise from a third dimensional level of consciousness and reality, to what they call fifth dimensional consciousness; or better know as, “New Earth.” I am honestly not sure what I believe just yet. But I do know that people around me are waking up to the corruption in our World; just as I am. So I am open to any and all possibilities; as long as it leads to genuine happiness for the World we live in. They say that in this fifth dimension and New Earth, life will be sustained and driven by love, peace and prosperity. A thousand years of peace and Christ’s reign, like the Bible prophesied in Revelations. Whereas, our current third dimensional state of reality is driven by fear, lust and power. It is a Spiritual Evolution, that not everyone will get to experience in this lifetime. Those who do the internal work to ascend to the fifth dimension, will experience a life of joy and abundance. It is not an easy road to get to the fifth dimensional level of consciousness; it takes a lot of hard work, dedication and emotions. First and foremost, you have to face your traumas and demons head on. Not only do you have to face them, but you have to do the work to heal them. Again, not everyone will be chosen to take this journey of ascension. However, I hope to do my best to educate as many people as possible about this idea. “God, please let me ascend to a fifth dimensional level of consciousness and get to experience New Earth! I’m ready!” I pray to myself. This so-called evolution was all about raising your physical and spiritual, energetic vibration higher and living a life based on peace and love. Albert Einstein was quoted saying, “Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you can not help but get that reality.” And this is exactly what I intended to do. Even Jesus himself preached about living a life based on love and peace. So, it has to be right. It just has to. Truth be told, I am a Hippie at heart, and always have been. Wild in heart and spirit.

I grew up in a fairly religious, but split, home. Church of Christ, to be exact. Strictly, Christian. Emphasis on the, “strict.” I spent a solid portion of my childhood, intertwined within the Church of Christ and heavily involved in youth activities at the church we attended. Although I never really felt at home there, I enjoyed the socialization and structure that it brought to my chaotic childhood. Nonetheless, it almost felt taboo to be learning about these things I am currently exploring. I have been conditioned to believe that things like aliens, spirits and ghosts are all demonic; and can only be demonic. But learning about all things aliens, spiritual evolution, and government conspiracy; just felt right. Sometime this year, I took the red pill and began my own personal “great awakening.” I have never been one to follow a crowd, so it is not that shocking that I would become obsessed with aliens, of all things. I do have an addictive personality, after all. 

Rosie nestled into my lap, with one or two of her litter mates, resting alongside her. The warmth from their bodies helped keep my legs warm. But I shivered, anyhow. I checked the clock on my phone; 5:55 on the dot. I had about 20 more minutes of peace and silence; before it was time to get the kids up and ready for the day. Even though the pandemic was still happening around the World; we chose to send our children back to in-person school. I was not a good teacher, and they were not good students. It just felt right to send them back. I enjoyed my extra time with them during months of lock down, but I desperately needed a break. And so did they. We found ourselves very fortunate to be living in the state of Texas, where the majority of people opened their eyes and saw the corruption surrounding Covid; pretty early on. Life in Texas was mostly back to normal, by Fall of this year. Normal enough to send our children to school, at least. Whatever this new form of “normal,” may be.   

I get lost in my mind, for a few minutes, imagining what it would be like to meet one of these alien species I am learning about. I am already drawn to some species, more than others. Like the Pleiadians, for instance. A fifth to seventh dimensional being; humanoid in appearance. Many of them have light colored hair, eyes and skin and stand at seven to nine feet tall. They come from the Pleiades star system; 444 light years away, on average. They are said to be a peaceful society of higher dimensional beings, eager to assist the humans on Earth in their spiritual and evolutional ascension to a fifth dimension. In fact, the entire Universe is said to be watching; as this is the first time in history that the majority of a species and planet has evolved simultaneously. These highly intelligent, inter-galactic beings will quite literally, “come in peace,” when they make themselves known to the human race on Planet Earth. I have a pretty vivid imagination, so I get lost in my mind pretty regularly. My imagination makes it easy to create an entire storyline in my head; within a split second. Suddenly, something on the podcast captures my attention and brings me back to reality. I do not catch what they say, but I hear the word “Starseed,” and my heart skips a beat. “This is you. You are this.” Spirit whispers to me. “What?” I ask her, in my head. “A Starseed. Pleiades. Seven Sisters. Your home.” She replies. My eyes pop wider, as if I have actually heard this conversation taking place in real time. I physically shook my head, because surely I did not just get a reply from the voice inside my head. I always joke about having ESP, or extrasensory perception, with my twin sister and a few friends. Maybe, just maybe, it is real. I have had this feeling before, of someone other than myself; speaking into my thoughts. Yet this was different. “Today, is going to be a good day,” I laughed to myself. Still not quite sure, I fully believe what just happened. 

After my two oldest children are fed, and off to school, I return home to tidy up before Jennifer arrives. We are headed for a girls night at Six Flags over Texas; with Jennifer, myself, and one of “The Brittney’s, Brittney Barnes.” I  became good friends with three women; during Covid. They just so happen to all be named Brittney. Two, spelt the same way even. We dubbed ourselves, officially, “Kirsten and the Brittney’s.” What are the chances of having three new best friends; all with the same name? We found each other during the summer of Covid, and bonded instantaneously. They were the closest things to real friends that I had had, in many years. I was no stranger to the name Brittney, however. I have had multiple friends with the name, throughout my life. More than one of them, I would even consider a close friend. I truly loved these three ladies, though. They were my “witchy,” friends; as I called them. We bonded over late nights of smoking marijuana in a circle, and chatting about everything from Jesus, to sex and you guessed it, even aliens. I was thoroughly enjoying teaching them about the spiritual evolution we were going to embark on, together. We had so many good laughs. They were more like sisters than friends and we were becoming closer by the day. “Thank you for this group of friends, to keep me grounded and playful,” I thanked God quietly in my head. 

Typically, I do not make a big to-do about my birthday. With a birthday so close to Christmas, I have had my birthday overlooked more than once in my life. But there was just something different about turning 33, this year. I could not totally explain it, but I felt different. Better than I had in years, in fact. I had successfully weaned myself off of my antidepressant, and was not having to rely on sleep-aids; to get a good night’s sleep. Not to mention the chronic back and abdominal pain that I was constantly medicating with pharmaceuticals. I had not taken so much as a tylenol in almost a year; thanks to medicinal marijuana. Aside from my self-esteem issues, after having my breast implants removed in August of 2019; I felt GOOD. Something I have not felt in years. After my breast implant removal, my body went through ten long months of natural detoxing with only a five pound weight loss. Now I am intermittent fasting to help detox further and lose weight. I had gained sixty seven pounds, between January and August, of 2018. I was heavier and sicker than I had ever been, but I was down almost forty pounds since June of this year. I only had twenty or more pounds to lose, before I would truly be happy with myself. At least this is what I tell myself.  Brittney Gavin, one of the three Brittney’s, is the one who convinced me to research Breast Implant Illness. An autoimmune reaction that many women are having to the foreign objects, we are choosing to place in our chests. Simply, to feel like we look better. Because that is what society tells us we need to look like in order to be desired or beautiful. I had six years of worsening and intensifying symptoms. Doctors were as baffled as I was. Unexplainable rashes and swelling throughout my entire body. Bouts of Gout, in my late twenties with no obvious causes. Chronic fatigue, migraines, hair loss. I experienced everything from body aches to chronic anxiety attacks and just a general feeling of always being unwell. My eyes were sunken in and dead looking. The life in them, gone for years. None of these symptoms could be cured by medication or diet change. I tried it all, and saw a plethora of specialists over the years. Thousands of dollars wasted; in hopes of getting answers. Once Brittney Gavin convinced me to “at least, look into it,” after about the one hundredth time of her begging; I spent 18 months researching the side effects of breast implants and shedding countless tears for the beautiful breasts I knew I was going to have to let go of. I find myself being vain and missing my large full breasts more times than not, but I do not miss the feeling of always being ill. I am learning to slowly accept my small and natural chest, every day.  Having my breast implants removed was the best decision I could have ever made for my physical health. “ I am so grateful for Brittney Gavin!” I  think to myself. She was the first of the Brittney’s, that I got to know. Like many of my friends in adulthood, she started as a portrait client, then became a friend. It took several years for either of us to make an effort and create a friendship, but I had gotten to know her pretty well over the last two years, and she is easily my favorite of the “Brittney’s.” Or at least the one I connect to the most on a witch-y level. 

I spend the morning, cleaning and getting things ready for my closest friend, Jennifer, to arrive.  My husband, Dominik, has been working from home full time, thanks to Covid. It is so nice to have another adult in the house to talk to.  I have been a work at home mom for ten years and my lack of social interaction during the day has taken a substantial toll on my mental health. “Another reason, I am so grateful for my small group of girlfriends! Jennifer, and the three Brittney’s!.” I proclaim to myself, silently.  I love being able to walk into his office, give him a kiss and bring him a snack, and then go about my business. It is also nice because it allows me to take a smoke break, in peace. Between Ryder’s medication distribution throughout the day, his daily breathing treatments and chest therapies, and just the day-to-day management of a child with Cystic Fibrosis; he is your typical rowdy, almost four year old. So, having another set of eyes on our toddler helps me relax just a little bit more. “God, thank you for Covid,” I think to myself. “It has been nothing but good to us!” I feel a tinge of guilt as I say this prayer; knowing that most of the World did not have the experience and luxury that we did. I thank God, nonetheless.

I find myself craving a cool hit of marijuana, as a slight feeling of anxiety creeps into my chest. I set Ryder up with a movie and a snack, and headed to my favorite room in the house. The garage, where I smoke. I open the door to the garage and the chill from the air inside the space, nips at my fingers and nose. A queen size mattress and box springs, sits against the wall on the far side of the space; covered with a multitude of heavy blankets and decorative pillows. Above the bed, a strand of colored curtain lights glows blue and green, creating the perfect ambient light for my space to relax and collect myself. A long marble top dresser sits directly alongside the bed, acting as a bedside table and creating more of an intimate space. A small salt lamp sits just on top of the dresser, next to the locked case that holds my glass bong. I hop on the bed and rearrange the superfluity of pillows around me, creating a nook that fits my body just perfectly. Having the pillows surround me, helps calm my anxiety as I sank lower into the pillowtop mattress. I load a bowl, full to the brim. My usual is a third of a bowl, every one and a half to two hours. But I only take a couple of hits at a time, over a span of twenty minutes or so; because I am micro-dosing with marijuana. This is how I have weaned myself, successfully, off of my antidepressants, sleep aids and pain killers. But, today is my birthday; so I indulge a little extra. I fill the bong with cubes of ice and fresh, cold, Sparkletts water from our dispenser, that I have brought from inside of the house. “Thank you, water, for hydrating me and cleansing me. You are amazing! You are wonderful!” I think with intent, as I fill the glass bong. I recently read a book by Masaru Emoto, titled ‘The Hidden Messages in Water,’ about the study of water and how it absorbs and responds to energy. Dr. Emoto would speak positive affirmations to the water and photograph it underneath a microscope. The water crystals would be perfectly symmetrical, appearing like a snowflake. When he would speak negative things to the water, the crystals would be in disarray and have no pattern to it whatsoever. After reading his study on the crystallization of water, I knew that I needed to be blessing my water with good intentions, before I drank or bathed in it. After all, our bodies are made up of about sixty percent of water. And I certainly do not get enough of it. Dr. Pepper truly is my biggest addiction, and I struggled with getting enough water each day . So blessing it, just made me feel better. “God told us to bless our food, so why not our water, too?” I ask myself, rhetorically. I light the flower in the bowl, inhale, and hold the smoke in my lungs for a few seconds. “I release all negative energy,” I think to myself as I exhale, slowly. I have been learning about meditation, and thoroughly enjoy working it into my daily routine. I was making it a habit, even. Meditation was certainly helpful for my day to day anxieties. And other than to take my kids to and from school, I really only left the house to go and hang out at Brittney Gavin’s house. “Anxiety is a bitch,” I think to myself. It really is. 

My phone vibrates in my hand and an alarm sounds as I take another hit of bud. “Research the term, ‘Starseed.” I had set myself a reminder, early this morning; so I would not forget. I tend to forget everything these days. Likely a product of my marijuana use, I am told. I open up my google app and type in the word “Starseed,” in the search bar. I am shocked by the number of articles and videos that pop up. I have never even heard this term, but apparently it is a whole “thing.” I scroll down the page, taking it all in. “Time traveler.” “Alien.” “Soul origins.” Words leapt at me, from the screen, and my heart began to race. “This one,” the little voice in my head said to me. So I  stopped scrolling and clicked on an article by Alycia Wicker. “Signs You’re a Starseed + What To Do About It.” I began to read, and instantly knew this was meant for me.  “A Starseed is an old soul with deep spiritual wisdom…” I  began to read. I resonated so much with this whole “Starseed,” thing. “Starseeds are very empathic. They feel as if they do not belong here. They are often different or weird.” I continued absorbing the words on the small screen in my hands. Resonating more with each sign, that I may be a Starseed. “They are very intuitive and psychic.” This one, I was less sure about though. Sure, I was intuitive, but I would not call myself ‘psychic.’ I closed the app on my phone, and thought to myself; “Thank you God, for showing me this term! I am definitely a Starseed!” I was instantly enthralled. 

I walk back in the house, to a destroyed living room; that I had just spent hours cleaning. “It never ceases to amaze me how a tiny human can cause so much destruction in so little time,” I say to myself, half annoyed at myself for taking so long to smoke, in the garage. I look up at the clock and it is exactly 1:11pm. I have been seeing “angel numbers,” everywhere, the last couple of days. Little signs from my spirit team, that I have recently started to believe in. Angel Numbers are said to have specific meaning for each number, or combination. But truthfully, I just think that the numbers mean that I am still on the path to my highest good; and this is my confirmation. If my family knew that I was into all of this weird stuff, they would certainly disown me. Christians and “witchcraft,” do not mix very well. “God, please let the World see that not all ‘witchcraft’ is evil.” I pray intently. I grab my keys and wallet, kiss my husband and youngest son goodbye and head to the airport to pick up my best friend.

In the car, I turn on Lindsey Stirling, Violinist extraordinaire! I had recently become captivated with upbeat instrumental music, and Lindsey Stirling had quickly become my absolute favorite. There was something about a violin that had always drawn me in. And the nine months I played violin in the sixth grade were some of my happiest. I was a natural, and my orchestra teacher enjoyed bragging about me, to others. I loved the extra attention, and was hopeful that it would make my Father; love me. He was a musician and I had always been desperate for his attention. “Maybe, if I played or sang well enough, he would love me.” I would tell myself, as a child. Hell, I still feel this way even as an adult. You guessed it. I have got major “Daddy Issues.” This comes from years of a drawn out custody battle, that ultimately led to the splitting up of my sister and I . Manipulation from both sides. It was ugly. I get lost in the melody of the violin as I drive, and find myself longing to know more about being a Starseed. I think to myself, “I wonder where my soul is from.” Spirit responds instantaneously, “Pleiades. Seven Sisters.” Less shocked by her response to my question, I grinned at the thought of being a Pleiadian Starseed. Starseeds are said to have chosen this time specifically, to incarnate here on Earth. To help aid humans in their ascension from the third, to the fifth dimension of consciousness. Some believe that the Earth will physically split into two separate planets, but I believe the fifth dimension lies right here on this Earth we currently reside on. I quickly became preoccupied with the idea of being a Starseed and became lost in my thoughts. If I had not turned my GPS on, to get me to the airport in Dallas, I would have missed my exit entirely. I reprimanded myself silently, at being so distracted. Something that happens often. 

I pulled into the Southwest Airlines arrivals gate and instantly spotted Jennifer waving excitedly from the sidewalk. I grin when I see that she has worn her “Louise,” shirt. Perfect, because I have worn my “Thelma” shirt. Proof that we do indeed, have best friend ESP.  Her shoulder length brown hair sways back and forth with each wave of her arm. I pull up beside her and roll down the window. “Hey good lookin!” I giggle in her direction. She throws her bag in the back seat of the car and hops in the passenger seat of my new black Ford Explorer, next to me. “Wow!” she proclaims, as she looks me up and down, “You have lost a ton of weight! You look great!” We lean in and hug each other, squeezing tighter than necessary as we each let out a squeal. “Happy Birthday, you slut!” She punches me in the arm playfully. Jennifer and I take no time at all, picking up where we left off last. It does not matter that we only see eachother once a year at best. It is always as if she lived just down the road, and we were casually hanging out for the third time this week. That is what I imagine at least. It makes it easier to bear the thought of her leaving again in a few short days. We spent the hour-long drive back to my house, catching up on life and talking about our husbands and children. It feels surreal to have Jennifer here for my birthday, and I find myself thanking God for her, every spare thought I get. 

When we arrived back at my house, we were welcomed by the sounds of my children screaming and playing. My once clean house looked as if it had been hit by a tornado. Something we reference often, here in the South. The frustration of a cluttered home overwhelmed me as I began to apologize to Jennifer for the mess. I had barely gotten my apology out before Kaden, Piper and Ryder came running over to greet Jennifer. “Hi Aunt Jennifer!” They each gleefully declared as they hugged her neck. “It is like you never left,” I say jokingly as Jennifer does her best to wiggle free from the arms of my children. I head to Piper’s room, to set Jennifer’s things down. “It is so weird seeing Piper in a big girl’s room,” Jennifer smiles as she sits on the edge of the floral printed comforter that adorns Piper’s twin sized princess inspired bed. I sit next to her and lay my head on her shoulder, “yeah, they really do grow up too fast.” “Speaking of growing up,” Jennifer began, “did you ever find a therapist to hypnotize you, to remember your childhood?” She asked inquisitively. I had very few memories from my childhood. The ones that I did have, were missing pieces. I have wondered, for years, what memories lie in the blank spaces of my memory. I sat up and turned towards Jennifer, tucking one leg underneath me, as I rested my hand on the bed and leaned on it comfortably. “Actually, I have decided I am going to do something a little different,” I went on to tell her. I was excited to explore my spiritual origins and past lives; but I was not sure I could openly share that part of my intentions without her questioning my sanity. I inhaled deeply and silently prayed she would be open to the idea, I was about to share.  “I am going to have a practitioner hypnotize me with a Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique, or QHHT Therapy. People use it to remember past lives, or get answers from their higher self. But the best part is that it can be used to heal chronic pain, and I am hoping it will help with my back pain if nothing else,” I did my best to explain the process to her. “So, you won’t have memories from childhood come up?” Jennifer asked curiously. “Only if I ask about them,” I explained. “Honestly, I am not sure what I will ask my higher self, but I have a while to think about my questions.” I was most anxious to ask my higher self about being a Starseed and where my soul originated from. I knew that I certainly was more than your average Earthling. 

The doorbell rang and the dogs and puppies began to bark, on top of the yells and screams from my children playing in the living room. Anxiety crept its way down my spine and up my neck, as I stepped over toys and school bags to get to the front door, as the noise around me seemed to heighten and close in around me. I glanced at the clock on my phone, 4:44 exactly. “What is it with all of these angel numbers lately?” I question myself and spirit. The noise and the clutter was stifling and I found it hard to catch my breath. “Welcome to the madness,” I said to Brittney Barnes, as I opened the front door. Her long curly dark brown hair, bouncing around her face as she danced in place from the cold. Barnes, as I called her. Since three of my friends have the same first name, it seems only natural to call them by their last names. “It is like I am walking into my own home,” she half jokingly giggles as she eyes the mess around us and removes her multi-colored the dyed sweatshirt. “I can not wait for you to meet Jennifer!” I grab her hand and we make our way to the garage, where Jennifer is waiting for us. 

I find the tips of my fingers are numb from the chill in the garage, where Jennifer,  Barnes and I, sat waiting to smoke a bowl of weed. I grabbed my pink faux fur blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders tightly, as I leaned over the green rolling tray to collect bud to put in the glass bowl. “So, I am about to sound totally crazy,” I giggled nervously as I loaded the first bowl of weed for us to share. “But, I think I may be an alien.” I burst out laughing at the realization of how silly my own thoughts sounded, outloud. Shaking my head at my own disbelief, as I packed the bowl tightly with ground up herb. Jennifer and Barnes just stared at me, like they had not quite understood what I said. “Not like a little green alien in a flying saucer, but spiritually, I believe my soul comes from another galaxy.” I went on to explain further. “I am what is called a ‘Starseed,’ and I have chosen this lifetime specifically to help raise the energetic vibration of the human collective.” I declared. “So, you are not human?” Barnes asked, confusion spread across her face as she furrowed her brow. Her light colored skin, glowing in the dim light around us. I chuckled slightly at her question; it is a question I had not really asked myself yet. Her question made me uneasy, even. “I mean, I am definitely a human,” I proclaim with assurance. “I just mean that my soul is not human. My soul sort of jumped into this body, sometime after birth. I do not think my soul was born in to this body. I made this choice to jump in to this specific body and time line. I chose my parents and sister. I chose this life.”  I was not quite sure if what I was saying was true, but it is what felt true to me. I went on to explain further, “I am not that special. There are hundreds of millions of us on Earth. Both of you may even be a Starseed.” I went on to explain what a Starseed was in great detail. Hoping that both of my dear friends were Starseeds like me. We passed the bong around until we had smoked the entire thing. I leaned back against the dresser, adjacent to the mattress against the wall, and placed the rolling tray in my lap to load another bowl of marijuana. “Well, I think there is a solid chance I could be a Starseed,” Jennifer spoke slowly but precisely. “Me, too,” stated Barnes with confidence. I passed the bong to Jennifer for her to take the first hit of a fresh bowl of weed. “So, if your soul is alien, does that mean your kids are alien as well?” Jennifer asked seriously. I choked on the smoke I had just inhaled, and began to cough as I laughed. I knew I sounded crazy, with all of this alien talk, but my friends had questions I had not even thought of and that made me even more excited to be open to this whole idea. “Honestly, I had not thought about it. But assuming Dominik is also a Starseed, that would make our children aliens too.” I laughed loudly as I passed the bong back around the circle. Maybe it was all of the talk about aliens, or maybe it was the excitement I had for an evening I had planned with two of my best friends, at Six Flags Over Texas. Or maybe, it was just the weed. Whatever it was, we giggled profusely as we finished our last bowl of marijuana before we were headed for a chilly night of fun at our favorite local amusement park. “Thank you God, for a chance to be kid free, with my closest friends,” I prayed silently. “This is the best birthday ever.”

2 responses to “Chapter One”

  1. SOO GOOD!! Its like getting hooked to a TV show and then having to wait for the next episode lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So glad you are enjoying it!! Hope the suspense doesn’t kill ya! lol! ❤ Thank you for supporting me, friend!


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Kirsten is a wife and mother of three children. When she has a spare moment to herself you can find her expressing herself creatively through art and music. Although Kirsten is locally known for being a Fine Art Portrait Photographer; she has always had a secret love for writing. If anything, she has discovered how healing, writing can be. Through her story, she aspires to bring awareness to several important, but controversial modern day topics. Kirsten is a strong believer in micro-dosing with medicinal marijuana and making changes to the mental healthcare system, specifically for women. She is an advocate for Mothers struggling with mental illness and unresolved traumas. Kirsten hopes to use her story of overcoming childhood trauma, struggles with motherhood and mental illness; to evoke healing in those who will resonate with this story. Although the story itself has been fictionalized for entertainment purposes, it is very much inspired by true events.

Recent Posts

Finding Kirsten | Prologue

Finding Kirsten | Chapter One

Finding Kirsten | Chapter Two

Finding Kirsten | Chapter Three

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